"Forget and forgive" !!!!

"Forget and forgive" its the most comman statement others might offer you for a particular situation where we might have been cheated, decieted and taken aback by someone's actions.

What I believe is that nobody, yes nobody but "we" are ourselves responsible for whatever happens to us- good or bad. If thought for a while this statement will make sense, because we have something like  a conciousness which tells us what is right and what is wrong.

I think I have made a statement which might not be going down some people's throat or should I say ears and finally to their brains!

Well lemme explain- it is as simple as if we don't eat we feel hungry and if we eat we don't. We can extrapolate the same logic to problems in our lives and get a reason which actually points to "US" (not united states) for all the problems in the world.

Now about "forget and forgive". We have no right over another being but 100% on ourselves, so we should forgive each time, we make a mistake and forget those which cannot be corrected and soon we will realise that we have found a meaning to our life. But the catch is that we need to correct not forget the mistakes we can improve and some day eliminate.

Yes life is forget and forgive-- there is no third person just "ME".

THANKS

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What you mean by "Open marriage" or "open relationship" !!?

What you mean by "Open marriage" or "open relationship"? Whatever you defined above is nothing but "keeping the options open". Yeah... there are plenty such "open relationship" out in this world, I assume. I would compare someone, who keep going behind everyone in this world, with that of a street dog. There is a whole lot of difference between caring a dog, raised at home and that of a street dogs. Both are dogs, but their quality and standards differ considerably.

To Caring

You shocked me with your narration and understanding of the Hindu marriage process. Probably, you must be one of the many in this "modern world", who have such opinion. There is nothing wrong with the Hindu marriage process, including "trading the buffalo in the upcountry market", but the problem lies with the people, who (mis)understand the marriage process. Have you ever thought, the so-called "ugly buffalo", who gets traded in the market does the same, when she gets her son married later.

Certainly, Hindu dharma never preaches or accepts such trading. Personally speaking, when my parents began my marriage process in 2001, upon my return from abroad, we received about 120 horoscopes from different sources. We picked only one and tallied it. I was so careful, not to entertain such trading process of the girl. So, we asked for her picture in advance. But, her mother said "we don't have the habit of sending pictures in advance", but they adamantly got my picture for her approval. we went to her home and had the first glimpse of her. Before reaching her home, we decided to say "YES" to this girl, however she is, though she had seen me in picture.

I am now wondering, whether I was subjected to such a "buffalo trading" in this way Winky.

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thoughts for the day

Experience can't prepare you for the awareness of a new change.
But our trust in friends, and our faith in the spiritual
process of life, can and will see you through whatever comes.

Believe that whatever faces you today .... know you are not alone.
The change will be okay for you and necessary to your well-being.
Life is growth. The next stage of your life awaits you.

Today, have faith, and all will be well

Smile from within today. That will help free you from your
negative cages. New possibilities and situations awaits you.
Always remember, if you find someone
without a smile, give them one of yours!


Lessons are repeated until they are learned.
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms
until you have learned it. When you have learned it,
you can go on to the next lesson


Lessons are repeated until they are learned.
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms
until you have learned it. When you have learned it,
you can go on to the next lesson

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something to think about

The Pig And The Horse

There was a farmer who collected horses; he only needed one more breed
to complete his collection. One day, he found out that his neighbor
had the particular horse breed he needed. So, he constantly bothered
his neighbor until he sold it to him. A month later, the horse became
ill and he called the veterinarian, who said:
- Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three
days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're
going to have to put him down.
Nearby, the pig listened closely to their conversation.
The next day, they gave him the medicine and left. The pig approached
the horse and said:
- Be strong, my friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!
On the second day, they gave him the medicine and left. The pig came
back and said:
- Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll
help you get up. Let's go! One, two, three...
On the third day, they came to give him the medicine and the vet said:
- Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow.
Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses.
After they left, the pig approached the horse and said:
- Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come
on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two,
three... Good, good. Now faster, come on.... Fantastic! Run, run more!
Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!
All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the
field and began shouting:
- It's a miracle! My horse is cured. This deserves a party. Let's kill the pig!




Points for reflection: this often happens in the workplace. Nobody truly knows which employee actually deserves the merit of success, or who's actually contributing the necessary support to make things happen.
LEARNING TO LIVE WITHOUT RECOGNITION IS A SKILL!
If anyone ever tells you that your work is unprofessional, remember:
amateurs built the Ark and professionals built the Titanic.

DON'T LOOK TO BECOME A PERSON OF SUCCESS, LOOK INSTEAD TO BECOME A
PERSON OF VALUE!



And when it’s our turn, remember to speak up for the pig J

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3.Simple.Tips.Written.Communication.

In business writing, you get points for clarity, not style. Instead of trying to wax poetic about your division's plans for the next 60 days, just make your point. Here are three ways to do that:

1.One idea per paragraph.
Novels hold several complex ideas and emotions in a single paragraph. In business writing, limit your thoughts to one per paragraph. When you have another suggestion, thought or idea, start a
new paragraph.

2.Put your point in the first sentence.
Don't entice your readers with background information and build-up. No one has time for that. Make your primary point first. Then go into supporting detail.

3.Make it "scannable.".
Few people read every word in an email. Use headers and bullet points so that your audience can quickly scan your message and understand your point.

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Live positive and be positive

Let us think over........

Why is the media here so negative?

Why are we in India so embarrassed to recognize our own strengths, our achievements?
We are such a great nation. We have so many amazing success stories but we refuse to acknowledge them. Why?
We are the first in milk production.
We are number one in Remote sensing satellites.
We are the second largest producer of wheat.
We are the second largest producer of rice.
Look at Dr. Sudarshan , he has transferred the tribal village into a self-sustaining, self-driving unit.. There are millions of such achievements but our media is only obsessed in the bad news and failures and disasters.
I was in Tel Aviv once and I was reading the Israeli newspaper. It was the day after a lot of attacks and bombardments and deaths had taken place. The Hamas had struck. But the front page of the newspaper had the picture of a Jewish gentleman who in five years had transformed his desert into an orchid and a granary. It was this inspiring picture that everyone woke up to. The gory details of killings, bombardments, deaths, were inside in the newspaper, buried among other news.


In India we only read about death, sickness, terrorism, crime.. Why are we so NEGATIVE? Another question: Why are we, as a nation so obsessed with foreign things? We want foreign T.Vs, we want foreign shirts. We want foreign technology.


Why this obsession with everything imported. Do we not realize that self-respect comes with self-reliance? I was in Hyderabad giving this lecture, when a 14 year old girl asked me for my autograph. I asked her what her goal in life is.. She replied: I want to live in a developed India . For her, you and I will have to build this developed India . You must proclaim. India is not an under-developed nation; it is a highly developed nation.


..
YOU say that our government is inefficient.
YOU say that our laws are too old.
YOU say that the municipality does not pick up the garbage.
YOU say that the phones don't work, the railways are a joke. The airline is the worst in the world, mails never reach their destination.
YOU say that our country has been fed to the dogs and is the absolute pits.


YOU say, say and say.. What do YOU do about it?


Take a person on his way to Singapore . Give him a name - 'YOURS'. Give him a face - 'YOURS'. YOU walk out of the airport and you are at your International best. In Singapore you don't throw cigarette butts on the roads or eat in the stores. YOU are as proud of their Underground links as they are.. You pay $5 (approx. Rs.. 60) to drive through Orchard Road (equivalent of Mahim Causeway or Pedder Road) between 5 PM and 8 PM. YOU come back to the parking lot to punch your parking ticket if you have over stayed in a restaurant or a shopping mall irrespective of your status identity… In Singapore you don't say anything, DO YOU? YOU wouldn't dare to eat in public during Ramadan, in Dubai .. YOU would not dare to go out without your head covered in Jeddah.
YOU would not dare to buy an employee of the telephone exchange in London at 10 pounds (Rs..650) a month to, 'see to it that my STD and ISD calls are billed to someone else.'YOU would not dare to speed beyond 55 mph (88 km/h) in Washington and then tell the traffic cop, 'Jaanta hai main kaun hoon (Do you know who I am?). I am so and so's son. Take your two bucks and get lost.' YOU wouldn't chuck an empty coconut shell anywhere other than the garbage pail on the beaches in Australia and New Zealand ..
Why don't YOU spit Paan on the streets of Tokyo ? Why don't YOU use examination jockeys or buy fake certificates in Boston ??? We are still talking of the same YOU. YOU who can respect and conform to a foreign system in other countries but cannot in your own. You who will throw papers and cigarettes on the road the moment you touch Indian ground. If you can be an involved and appreciative citizen in an alien country, why cannot you be the same here in India ?

In America every dog owner has to clean up after his pet has done the job. Same in Japan ..
Will the Indian citizen do that here?' He's right. We go to the polls to choose a government and after that forfeit all responsibility.
We sit back wanting to be pampered and expect the government to do everything for us whilst our contribution is totally negative. We expect the government to clean up but we are not going to stop chucking garbage all over the place nor are we going to stop to pick a up a stray piece of paper and throw it in the bin. We expect the railways to provide clean bathrooms but we are not going to learn the proper use of bathrooms.
We want Indian Airlines and Air India to provide the best of food and toiletries but we are not going to stop pilfering at the least opportunity.
This applies even to the staff who is known not to pass on the service to the public.

When it comes to burning social issues like those related to women, dowry, girl child! and others, we make loud drawing room protestations and continue to do the reverse at home. Our excuse? 'It's the whole system which has to change, how will it matter if I alone forego my sons' rights to a dowry.' So who's going to change the system?
What does a system consist of? Very conveniently for us it consists of our neighbours, other households, other cities, other communities and the government. But definitely not me and YOU. When it comes to us actually making a positive contribution to the system we lock ourselves along with our families into a safe cocoon and look into the distance at countries far away and wait for a Mr.Clean to come along & work miracles for us with a majestic sweep of his hand or we leave the country and run away.
Like lazy cowards hounded by our fears we run to America to bask in their glory and praise their system. When New York becomes insecure we run to England . When England experiences unemployment, we take the next flight out to the Gulf. When the Gulf is war struck, we demand to be rescued and brought home by the Indian government. Everybody is out to abuse and rape the country. Nobody thinks of feeding the system. Our conscience is mortgaged to money.


Dear Indians, The article is highly thought inductive, calls for a great deal of introspection and pricks one's conscience too….. I am echoing J. F. Kennedy's words to his fellow Americans to relate to Indians…..


'ASK WHAT WE CAN DO FOR INDIA AND DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE TO MAKE INDIA WHAT AMERICA AND OTHER WESTERN COUNTRIES ARE TODAY'


Lets do what India needs from us.
Forward this mail to each Indian for a change instead of sending Jokes or junk mails.


Thank you,

Dr.. Abdul Kalam

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Mantra of true friendship.

sand & Stone

A story tells that two friends were walking through
the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument,
and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got
slapped
was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to
take
a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started
drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from the near
drowning, he wrote on a stone:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.

The friend who had slapped and saved his best
friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you
write on a stone, why?" The other friend replied "When someone hurts us
we
should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it
away.
But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in
stone
where no wind can ever erase it."

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN
STONE.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to
appreciate
them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

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Effective Listening in the Workplace

What is listening? And moreover, what is effective listening? Of course, we all listen carefully, making a mental note of every word and every syllable. If that's the case, stop! Right now, at this moment, as you are reading this, ask yourself an honest question, are you assimilating, what you are reading? Often we skip words, while listening or reading. To make this worse we listen with prejudices and biases. This, primarily, is what hampers effective listening. Effective listening is an important part of building trust and strengthening business relationship, which in turn are inevitable ingredients of building empires. Those with effective leadership traits, know the importance of effective listening in the workplace. Complete understanding of the term is what makes them successful entrepreneurs, mentors and leaders. Let's see what lies in the nitty-gritty of effective listening in the workplace.

Developing Effective Listening Skills

Conscious Decision
The first step towards being an effective listener, is to take a conscious decision to hear someone. Once you've decided to listen effectively, then there's no looking back.

Body Language
Body language is an integral part of everything you do. Hence, it plays a crucial role in making you an effective listener in the workplace. When the speaker addresses you, make a confident eye contact. Sit in a position that you are most comfortable in, so that you don't fidget. Changing your emotions, appropriately to react to the listener's story, is a real test of understanding the body effective listening in the workplace. Read more about workplace ethics.

Share is Caring
Back home, when parents try to advice kids, the advice is straight away trashed. But in a workplace, the opposite is most likely. Considering, the similar age brackets of co-workers, the troubles of the speaker may seem more realistic to you, which makes you responsible to advice or at least pep-talk your colleague. If you are a good boss, don't probe too much into the matter, as not all employees are comfortable talking to their bosses. Let them befriend each other, to share and care for one another. This will also help in building teams and raising team spirits.

Connect
The last, final and the best of effective listening techniques for effective listening in the workplace, is to connect with the speaker's problems. Striking a connection, means talking about the problem or trouble or reacting to a good news as though it's a part of your life. Giving listening a personalized touch will help you establish a trustworthy bond.

Effects of Effective Listening in the Workplace

Non-Verbal Communication
Effectively listening in the workplace is a form of non-verbal communication. Clichéd, as it may sound, silence speaks more than words. When you make a conscious decision to listen to somebody, you do it with full, undivided attention. Your complete attention and concentration, towards the speaker's subject, communicates your concern to the speaker. In this way, effectively listening in the workplace, serves as a non-verbal communication tool. Corporate organizations are demanding and challenging. Most of us cope up with the pressures, however, it is always a listening ear, that provides us with motivation, care and concern to carry on. Read more about employee motivation.

Intelligent Emotions
Developing effective listening in the workplace through effective listening activities, is a way of fortifying emotional intelligence at work. This works with the logic of 'a friend in need, is a friend indeed'. If your employees can establish strong relations with each other, it's going to benefit your organization. Those of you, who think that your employees may conspire if they mingle too much, then let me tell you, boss, you are wrong!! Hearing out one another, working together, sharing load, being a helping hand and walking the extra mile, will go a long way in making your organization successful. Read more on emotional intelligence.

There are many factors to effective listening strategies. However, focusing with clarity is the important of all. I hope these effects of effective listening in the workplace and effective listening techniques, help you in building a reliable workforce.

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Nick Vujicic: a man with no limbs who teaches people how to get up

Nick Vujicic was born in Melbourne, Australia with the rare Tetra-amelia disorder: limbless, missing both arms at shoulder level, and having one small foot with two toes protruding from his left thigh. Despite the absence of limbs, he is doing surf and swimming, and playing golf and soccer. Nick graduated from college at the age of 21 with a double major in Accounting and Financial Planning. He began his travels as a motivational speaker, focusing on the topics that today's teenagers face.

 Nick has a small foot on his left hip which helps him balance and enables him to kick. He uses his one foot to type, write with a pen and pick things up between his toes.

'I call it my chicken drumstick,' joked Nick, who was born in Melbourne, Australia, but now lives in Los Angeles. 'I'd be lost without it.

'When I get in the water I float because 80 per cent of my body is lungs and my drumstick acts as a propeller.'

Due to his faith as an Evangelical Christian, Nick has chosen to remain a virgin until marriage although he has had long-term girlfriends in the past.

'He's very modest but he gets marriage proposals from women all the time,' said Nick's friend and publicist Steve Appel, from Los Angeles.

 I felt cold and bitter. I hated God for doing this to me and was terrified of what would happen when my parents weren't there to look after me.

'I could brush my own teeth with a wall mounted brush and wash my own hair with pump action soap, but there was so much that was impossible for me.'

At age ten Nick, tried to drown himself in the bath but luckily the attempt was unsuccessful.

'I felt there was no purpose when you lack purpose and strength it is hard to hold on,' he said.

But with the help of his religion, friends and family, Nick managed to pull through to become an international symbol of triumph over adversity.

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Default Thought for the day

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How to Catch Sand Fleas

At the foremost mention of sand fleas, the first thing that comes to our mind is their painful bites and accompanied allergy symptoms. Indeed sand fleas are bothersome crustaceans which cause bites in the ankles and lower legs. But, when we talk about sand fleas for fish bait, they refer to another group of crustaceans that are harmless for humans. Before we actually jump to the topic of our discussion 'how to catch sand fleas', let's try to understand some basic information about these creatures.

What are Sand Fleas?
As the name goes, these organisms remain most of their time underneath sand in the shoreline. By appearance, they look somewhat similar to insects. But the fact is, sand fleas are not even a distant relative of land insects. These organisms are grouped under crustaceans, which are characterized by presence of tough exoskeleton and segmented body. They share the same taxonomic order with real crabs. The alternative names for sand fleas (scientific name: Emerita sp.) are sand crabs, mole crabs, sea cicadas and beach hoppers.

Tips on Catching Sand Fleas for Bait
Mole crabs or sand fleas are distributed in beaches all over the world. These crab like creatures are popularly used as baits in catching certain fishes, such as red fish, pompano, etc. You can purchase live or frozen sand fleas from bait stores for your angling project. But, the interesting part is, you can catch sand fleas easily from the beaches. They neither have claws, nor do they bite humans. So, you don't have to worry about the dangers of handling these creatures.

Sand fleas feed on small planktons and organic matter that are carried to the beaches by wave action. In short, the intertidal zone is an exclusive place where you can look for these baits. But, you need to keep a watchful eye to identify sand fleas that normally inhabit this zone. Yes, these crustaceans resemble the color of rippled sand, which help in disguising themselves to their dwelling environment. Here are some tips to catch sand fleas for fishing bait.

    * Sand fleas are very sensitive and they remain buried deeper in the sand, if they sense foot pressure. So, early morning time is the best time that you can head for catching sand fleas. Less beach walkers and you can expect more sand fleas in the intertidal zone.
    * A popular tool used for catching these small crabs is sand flea rake. It is a simple rake, designed to collect these creatures from sand. If you don't own one, you can scoop sand with your hands at the right time to catch sand fleas.
    * Walk in the swash zone and focus on sandy areas that remain saturated with water. Try to identify darker colored sand that forms a boundary between the ocean bottom sand and beach sand. This is the area where sand fleas inhabit frequently.
    * Look for sand flea colony in the marked zone. You can identify them from the 'V' shaped antennae that protrudes slightly from the sand surface. Then, be prepared and wait for low tide waves.
    * As soon as the wave starts receding, run to the spot, dig sand flea rake in the dark sand and drag it towards your direction. After the first session, check for any caught sand fleas. You can keep them in a bucket with some wet sand on it.

So, this was a brief info concerning how to catch sand fleas. If you are collecting lots of them, consider carrying a small cooler along with you. Fill it with some wet sand and put the sand fleas. This simple preparation keeps them alive for longer hours. After separating sand fleas from their natural habitat, they can survive for 3 days or more under controlled conditions. Keeping sand fleas cool, changing sand everyday and avoiding sunlight exposure are simple tricks to keep them alive for several days to come.

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Good listening skills are vital to healthy relationships.

Good listening skills are vital to healthy relationships. Whether you're strengtheing a relationship, resolving a conflict, or offering support in a facing a crisis, good listening skills can be a lifeline to peace. Learn how to be a truly supportive listener, and you may find yourself surrounded by others who are able to do the same. Here are some important steps to developing good listening skills:
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: Varies, Depending On The Situation
Here's How:

   1. Listen, Listen, Listen. Ask your friend what’s wrong, and really listen to the answer. Let them vent their fears, frustrations and other important feelings, maintaining eye contact and showing that you’re interested in what they have to say. Resist the urge to give advice, and just let them get it out.

   2. Reframe What You Hear. Summarize and repeat back your understanding of what they’re saying so they know you’re hearing them, and focus on the emotions they might be feeling. For example, if your friend is talking about family problems, you might find yourself saying, “It looks like things are getting pretty hostile. You sound like you’re feeling hurt.”

   3. Ask About Feelings. Ask them to expand on what they’re feeling. Asking about their feelings provides a good emotional release and might be more helpful than just focusing on the facts of their situation.

   4. Keep The Focus On Them. Rather than delving into a related story of your own, keep the focus on them until they feel better. You can reference something that happened to you if you bring the focus back to them quickly. They will appreciate the focused attention, and this will help them feel genuinely cared for and understood.

   5. Help Brainstorm. Rather than giving advice in the beginning, which cuts off further exploration of feelings and other communication, wait until they’ve gotten their feelings out, and then help them brainstorm solutions. If you help them come up with ideas and look at the pros and cons of each, they’re likely to come up with a solution they feel good about. Or they might feel better after just being able to talk and feeling heard.

Tips:

   1. Stay Present. Sometimes people feign listening, but they’re really just waiting for their friend to stop talking so they can say whatever they’ve been mentally rehearsing while they’ve been pretending to listen. People can usually sense this, and it doesn’t feel good. Also, they tend to miss what’s being said because they’re not focused.
   2. Don’t Give Advice. It’s common to want to immediately give advice and ‘fix’ your friend’s problem. Unless it's specifically requested, don’t. While you’re trying to help, what would work for you might not work for your friend; also, advice can feel condescending. Unless they ask directly for advice, your friend probably just wants to feel heard and understood, and then can find his or her own solutions.
   3. Trust The Process. It might feel a little scary to listen to feelings before diving into solutions, and hearing your friend talk about upset feelings might even make you feel helpless. But usually offering a supportive ear and sitting with your friend in an uncomfortable place is the most helpful thing you can do, and once the feelings are cleared out, the solutions can start coming.
   4. Let Things Even Out Over Time. With all this focus on your friend’s problems, it might be difficult not to focus equal time on your own. Relax in the knowledge that, when you need a friend, your friend will likely be a better listener for you. If you’re consistently doing all the giving, you can re-evaluate the dynamics of the relationship. But being a good listener can make you a stronger, more caring person and bring a more supportive angle to your relationships.

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What does it mean to really listen?

   1. Real listening is an active process that has three basic steps. Hearing. Hearing just means listening enough to catch what the speaker is saying. For example, say you were listening to a report on zebras, and the speaker mentioned that no two are alike. If you can repeat the fact, then you have heard what has been said.
   2. Understanding. The next part of listening happens when you take what you have heard and understand it in your own way. Let's go back to that report on zebras. When you hear that no two are alike, think about what that might mean. You might think, "Maybe this means that the pattern of stripes is different for each zebra."
   3. Judging. After you are sure you understand what the speaker has said, think about whether it makes sense. Do you believe what you have heard? You might think, "How could the stripes to be different for every zebra? But then again, the fingerprints are different for every person. I think this seems believable."

Tips for being a good listener

   1. Give your full attention on the person who is speaking. Don't look out the window or at what else is going on in the room.
   2. Make sure your mind is focused, too. It can be easy to let your mind wander if you think you know what the person is going to say next, but you might be wrong! If you feel your mind wandering, change the position of your body and try to concentrate on the speaker's words.
   3. Let the speaker finish before you begin to talk. Speakers appreciate having the chance to say everything they would like to say without being interrupted. When you interrupt, it looks like you aren't listening, even if you really are.
   4. Let yourself finish listening before you begin to speak! You can't really listen if you are busy thinking about what you want say next.
   5. Listen for main ideas. The main ideas are the most important points the speaker wants to get across. They may be mentioned at the start or end of a talk, and repeated a number of times. Pay special attention to statements that begin with phrases such as "My point is..." or "The thing to remember is..."
   6. Ask questions. If you are not sure you understand what the speaker has said, just ask. It is a good idea to repeat in your own words what the speaker said so that you can be sure your understanding is correct. For example, you might say, "When you said that no two zebras are alike, did you mean that the stripes are different on each one?"
   7. Give feedback. Sit up straight and look directly at the speaker. Now and then, nod to show that you understand. At appropriate points you may also smile, frown, laugh, or be silent. These are all ways to let the speaker know that you are really listening. Remember, you listen with your face as well as your ears!

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Listening Skills

The average college student spends about 14 hours per week in class listening (or perhaps I should say "hearing"--there is a difference!) to lectures. See if you can improve your listening skills by following some of the strategies below:

Maintain eye contact with the instructor. Of course you will need to look at your notebook to write your notes, but eye contact keeps you focused on the job at hand and keeps you involved in the lecture.

Focus on content, not delivery. Have you ever counted the number of times a teacher clears his/her throat in a fifteen minute period? If so, you weren't focusing on content.

Avoid emotional involvement. When you are too emotionally involved in listening, you tend to hear what you want to hear--not what is actually being said. Try to remain objective and open-minded.

Avoid distractions. Don't let your mind wander or be distracted by the person shuffling papers near you. If the classroom is too hot or too cold try to remedy that situation if you can. The solution may require that you dress more appropriately to the room temperature.

Treat listening as a challenging mental task. Listening to an academic lecture is not a passive act--at least it shouldn't be. You need to concentrate on what is said so that you can process the information into your notes.

Stay active by asking mental questions. Active listening keeps you on your toes. Here are some questions you can ask yourself as you listen. What key point is the professor making? How does this fit with what I know from previous lectures? How is this lecture organized?

Use the gap between the rate of speech and your rate of thought. You can think faster than the lecturer can talk. That's one reason your mind may tend to wander. All the above suggestions will help you keep your mind occupied and focused on what being said. You can actually begin to anticipate what the professor is going to say as a way to keep your mind from straying. Your mind does have the capacity to listen, think, write and ponder at the same time, but it does take practice.

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Why Does Fear Lead to Failure?

by: Susan Bagyura

While touring the States doing TV and radio interviews recently, I had the chance to listen to the story of a once very successful business in Connecticut which was announcing the layoff of 475 workers. What had gone wrong?

The CEO was interviewed and he said that their business started hitting bad times 4 years ago and their strategy was to cut, reduce and eliminate expenditures since then. He went on to say that they had been trying to avoid these layoffs for sometime but they no longer could.

He had excuses as to why this had to happen, including blaming the economy. The way he recounted the past, he made the company and the employees all victims of circumstance.

In other interviews, I saw the despair of some of the workers that were losing their jobs. They talked about events and circumstances as well as their fears of this happening. It was obvious that they never made any connection to their thoughts, feelings and actions and what they were seeing in their outer world.

Never once during all the newscasts, interviews and subsequent articles did I ever hear or read about the creative measures that the company took to turn the business around. Instead everyone from the CEO on down continues to focus on lack, limitation and outside influences as the basis of their problems. The responses to their creation are tactics that are killing the business.

People in this company, including the CEO, showed their ignorance of the law of sowing and reaping; also known as the law of cause and effect. It is absolutely impossible to create a healthy, wealthy, thriving business while holding thoughts of worry and doubt; feeling fearful and full of anxiety and taking destructive actions. Whatever we think in our minds must grow.

The condition is the effect that we see; it is not the true cause that we see. One must dig down deep into their mental storehouse to find out what is that cause. If they cannot discern it, there are others who can. Now I have no doubt that there were people that supported the actions that the CEO took; so therefore it is critical to look at the results of any advisor. If you are going to follow someone, make certain that they are achieving great results.

This business is not where it is today because of outside conditions. This CEO programmed the company for failure by the very actions he took based on the wrong thinking. The very things he feared are what he has created and he will continue to do so until he changes his vision.

There are many people who live and die and never know anything different from what has been handed down to them. However once you change your vision, you will change conditions. Only when we cease to recognize a condition do we cease to attract or create it. The only way we can cease to recognize things is to change our minds about them.

There are 3 enemies which must be cleared out in order to achieve success in any endeavor. These are fear, worry/doubt and indecision. They always go together. If a person is timid, backward or fearful, fear will act as a brake to retard their progress. Fear is main cause of failures; it cannot be eliminated by either drugs or a surgeon's knife. The only remedy known for fear is understanding. This requires a commitment to studying and applying what is learned. It definitely requires getting out of the comfort zone - to stop doing the same old things that aren't working.

Indecision is the seed of fear. Indecision turns into doubt. The two blended together become fear. This blending process is often slow, which is the main reason why these 3 enemies are so dangerous. They are insidious and grow without their presence even being noticed. Many times people fool themselves to think that they are being cautious when they are actually breeding fear.

Fears are nothing more than a state of mind. One's state of mind will set the course and direction of their future. Doubts and fears about the future are pointless, but even worse; they will create an unwanted future.

Conversely, success is predicated on bringing one's self and actions to a higher standard. When the heart is right, the head thinks right. The fact that someone desires to succeed is evidence that they have the power to succeed; otherwise they would not have been urged to aspire towards success. Understand that you cannot aspire to succeed unless you have the power to succeed. Desire creates the power; power inspires the mind of the person, and success is the result of that inspiration rightly applied.

Success then is the way we learn to use 2 valuable things - our time and thought. Knowledge alone is not success; it is the way we use that knowledge...

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What Does It Take to Become a Leader?

by: kaka

Many people think that you are simply born a leader however this could not be further from the truth. Each and every one of us has the skills to lead, however we seldom put ourselves forward or find ourselves in situations when we have to take this sort of responsibility.

Of course there are certain skills you need to be a leader and each of them are more suited to certain people than others. However to become a great leader it is about having that burning desire to want to improve and hone all the necessary skills. The following therefore is a list of the traits needed to be a good leader.

Communication

This is a vital component. A good leader needs to be able to communicate ideas effectively and to great understanding. You may be excellent at building strategic plans but without having the skills to communicate them effectively you will always fall short.

Decisiveness

A strong leader needs to be able to make decisions based on logical reasoning when under pressure. In times of need people will look to you and a split second of doubt or appearing visibly distressed can undo years of hard work building trust.

Listening Skills

Listening skills is important in most parts of life. As a leader you should have the ability to pay attention and understand people and this includes taking on board criticism.

Prioritisation

What task needs doing first? You need to be able to prioritise tasks based on what you think is most important. Without good prioritisation the task at hand can be doomed to failure before it even begins.

Self-Control

The ability to keep your emotions under control is vital. You will have to deal with many different people and situations, a lot of which will most likely put you out of your comfort zone. It is important therefore that you keep calm and collected at all times.

Self confidence

Being self-confident goes a long way. If you appear fully confident then it will rub off on your team making any task a lot easier to accomplish. A certain amount of self-confidence also helps you to assert yourself when the time comes.

Pro Active

As a leader it is your duty to keep your team on their toes. Taking a back seat or being lazy creates complacency therefore it is important you take a pro-active approach.

Good at Planning

Simply knowing what needs to be achieved is not enough. To be a good leader you need to be able to create a plan of action that will work to achieve the end goal. A poor plan will scupper the chances for success and so this skill is vital.

Have Respect for Others

You may be in a position of power as a leader but your team will not willing follow you if you have no respect for others. Respect goes a long way and the best way to earn it is by respecting others.

Build Trust

Trust is a fragile but the most important aspect. Without trust you will never be a god leader. By improving some of the factors listed above it should go a long way to helping build trust quickly.

The beauty of all the aspects listed is that you can easily be trained to improve. There are many courses that can help you improve your leadership skills including numerous aspects not mentioned here.

The great thing about taking the decision to improve is that what you learn can be applied to all walks of life. So remember, we all have it in us to be a leader it's just about bringing out those qualities...

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Leadership Transcends Leaders

by: Lee Meadows

As much as the concept of leadership can spark a debate as to who are good leaders and who are bad leaders, the essence of the debate rarely touches on an often overlooked, seldom mentioned, but critical component of the dialogue. Though personality, skill, style and circumstances are the most frequently researched elements, it is interesting to note that the ‘mindset' of a leader has only begun to inch its way into mainstream recognition.

The notion of mindset has little to do with high or medium intelligence, street smarts, political aptitude or business cunning. These are all by products of the greater positioning of a thought process that moves beyond established boundaries and into a realm in which the product or service transcends the existence of the leader. This ‘transcendent leadership' mindset represents more than a leader making a contribution, which satisfies many of the short term requirements for living, but is fueled by the idea of making a difference, which addresses the long term requirements for advancing humankind.

While research in this area has just started to emerge, the concept is not without working models in which to analyze and stimulate the thinking for future leadership development activities. The framers of the United States Constitution were clearly well-schooled, committed scholars and fighters who, individually, understood the importance of braking from the restrictive practices of an established government. The numerous biographies written about these men are woven around a common thread of dissatisfaction with the status quo and the recognition that something needed to change.

As individual leaders, the effectiveness of their styles have been picked at and picked on through a series of scholarly reviews of their writings and actions from that era. However, collectively, the framers were a perfect example of the transcendent leadership mindset. They knew that what they were creating would be something that would outlast and transcend their existence. The long term effect would be for future generations to enjoy the benefits of a country in which individual freedom would be more important that governmental restrictions. As the last signer of the constitution faded into oblivion, he had to take some delight in knowing that many of their names would not be known among 21st century school children, but they would truly feel the impact.

Walt Disney understood something about the nature of human beings that went beyond the classic debate as to whether man is good or evil. As a cartoonist and creator of ‘basic-values based' entertainment, it must have dawned on him that man's good or evil is rooted in being ‘playful' and if given the opportunity to play, we will. The thought process that went into the formation of Disneyland is indicative of a ‘transcendent leadership mindset'. While there were competing studios that managed to grind out a slew of characters designed to entertain the short term requirements of their audience, Disney saw beyond the silver screen and into the long term access to playfulness that would draw generation after generation to the Magic Kingdom.

A transcendent leader connects today with tomorrow by looking past the inner drive that anchors personal behavior and ego-centric limitations and focuses on how any organization can move beyond just meeting its goals. Having the ability and fortitude to take something that is static and make it dynamic, to elevate behavior to the next level of interaction and to position the mind to think as a ‘difference maker' are only a few of the known qualities that are gleaned from the models established by the Founding Fathers, Disney and others.

There are overlapping qualities from other models that also serve the mindset of a transcendent leader. Clearly the ability to formulate a vision that moves an organization to think beyond its bottom line is an important piece to this mindset model. We have thousands of examples of how to transact and transform organizations, but those organizations that are rooted in a transcendent leadership mindset are, understandably, few and far between...

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How to Avoid Mismanagement Issues and be a Good Leader

By: Steve Morgan

There's many things a manager can do to make certain employees and fellow managers are content whilst staying as productive as possible, whether it is a new leader or an old leader seeking to improve their management skills. People who have been mismanaged before by a lousy boss will understand the frustration it can cause them and other people directly affected.

To be a good leader means being a great listener, good at your own work, able to oversee, motivate and teach others, tactful, authoritative when it is important and being able to access circumstances and react enthusiastically. There's much to transforming into and being a great leader and it is handy to get used to your responsibilities early on so that everyone is aware of your ways of operating and that they are able to go to you if they have any problems.

Leadership and management training courses are becoming more and more popular in workplaces. Lots of people are propelled into a management role with no leadership training and this is what caused problems to appear. Being a good manager is something that requires learning over time through experience and training. It is true what they say - it's tough at the top and there are many challenges you will encounter as a leader during your career.

The right management and leadership training can help a leader to sort out any issues and challenges in a way that solves problems fast and ensures a good outcome for the business, employee, or employer depending on the situation, whether it's a grievance procedure, a staff dispute, a sickness disciplinary or a tight deadline.

Typically a lack of management and leadership training is the problem when a bad manager is to blame for mismanagement issues. Mismanagement may occur the moment you stop listening to your employees, start to make incorrect decisions or letting your ego lead the choices you make. This is when issues such as staff motivation can begin and this'll have a direct result on efficiency.

If a manager says that they are too busy to go to any training then this may highlight a mismanagement issue itself - delegation and time management. These are areas that can be learnt and there's many mechanisms that you could learn that will assist you to master the job you do and your management skills. There are many companies throughout the UK offering leadership and management training, allowing in-house training and even off-site training, which is handy when it is essential to get away from the office environment along with any possible interruptions.

Why not phone now to find out more about how you or your leadership team can provide the most effective management possible and learn about the courses available? Many features of leadership and management training are encompassed on each course and you could even be able to sort out a bespoke training course with training refined for your individual business or leadership structure.

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Managing Environment – de-carbonization

Every nation needs a transition, from an economy which uses fossil fuels for energy supply to one in which all energy comes from either renewable or low carbon sources.  The only problem with that is, assuming we had all the technologies available and a market hungry for their deployment, yet the process of global de-carbonization would take a very long time to be achieved physically. Any move towards global de-carbonization will encounter several key barriers such as:

To begin with, many of the potential technologies are still a significant way from being ready for widespread deployment because of lack of qualified engineers, technicians and even technology.

The most significant markets around the world are simply not that interested. Green energy is expensive and the free market has consistently shown that the cheapest approach is to dig up fossil fuels and burn them.

The big question therefore is, if we haven’t got enough time to de-carbonize the global economy before the mean global temperature rise passes 20C. Is there something we can do to avoid a dangerous climate change and a 40 C to 60 C outcome? Is there something we can do to buy us some time while we go about this business of a low carbon transition, one which does not distract us from the principal objective? The answer to that may be found in geo-engineering.

Geo-engineering may provide an option:

IMechE carried out a review of promising geo-engineering approaches, and made an initial engineering assessment of the feasibility of the most practical solutions. The Institution presents the three most promising case studies and provides an engineer’s view of the steps needed to make geo-engineering a reality.  This report clearly highlights  the role of engineers in finding alternatives  to mitigation and adaptation and thereby buying time for humanity.

For many years governments have primarily focused on climate change mitigation, or in simple terms, reducing the amount of carbon-dioxide each nation emits into the atmosphere. Indeed, the UK government recently released its low carbon transition plans, which the Institution welcomes as a positive plan of action for the next decade.

Engineers have been at work to find out if there is a possibility of an approach beyond mitigation and adaptation. However, a less explored avenue is geo-engineering. This is where technology is used to remove CO2 from the atmosphere or where the planet is cooled by reflecting solar radiation back into space. Geo-engineering is not an all encompassing solution to global warming. It is however, another potential component in our approach to climate change that could provide the world with extra time to decarbonize the global economy.

The initial assessment of a range of potential geo-engineering options is available under its- ‘cooling the planet program.’

Artificial trees:

Research is being   undertaken into building machines which, like trees can remove CO2 from the atmosphere. This occurs when air passes through the device (the tree) and CO2 is then removed and buried underground in the same way as conventional carbon capture and storage (CCS). The UK would require 100,000 trees, each absorbing ten tonnes of CO2 per day) to capture the entire nation’s non-stationary and dispersed emissions.

Algae coated Buildings:

This approach uses strips of algae which are fitted outside the buildings. Algae naturally absorb CO2 through photosynthesis. The algae are then periodically harvested from building surfaces and used as bio-fuel in conjunction with a carbon based solution. The advantage of this proposal is that no additional land is required therefore it will not affect existing and future food production or other important land uses.

Reflective Buildings:

Reducing the amount of solar radiation absorbed by the earth’s climate system has the potential to cool the planet. This can simply be achieved by making surfaces more reflective and thus lowering the heating effect the sun’s rays have on us. This option may not be as effective as the other two, though  it does have the additional benefit of reducing temperatures in city centres. City centres can often be several degrees hotter than the surrounding environment.

The relative use of these technologies needs to be assessed. It is also important that these potential options are not seen as alternative to climate change mitigation.

Funding for geo-engineering research is granted by the government. Any such research must be linked with existing mitigation and adaptation research.

Action must be taken for a parallel de-carbonization and expansion of global electricity generation capacity including deployment of smart super-grids on a continental scale and parallel research and development of electric transportation technologies and technologies for de-carbonization of dispersed sources.

Phased electrification of transportation sector and dispersed sources of carbon dioxide emissions. Artificial trees should be used to clean up past emissions to such a level that the atmospheric carbon dioxide concentration returns to climatically accepted levels.

Role of engineers in mitigation and adaptation measures for climate change management has often gone unnoticed as all perspective studies are covered under  the term ‘scientific studies’ which gives the  impression that only scientists are the key players. Searching  for geo-engineering solutions has been undertaken by the scientists at their level but the lead role has to go to the engineers.

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Interpersonal skills depend a lot on your intra-personal skills!

So you have got your promotion, moved up the ladder, have a larger team to handle now – well many congratulations to you. But the question is, are you prepared for such a role right now? With the skills you possess, the knowledge you hold and the great insights you have, are you able to encompass interpersonal skills and pay heed to the needs of your team? or allow me to  put it this way- Do you have the appropriate interpersonal skills to become a good boss?

As we move up the ladder we believe that all the things that we have acquired so far along with all the success will continue to foster further success in the future as well, though this might not be the case always. With growing success and positions we need to cultivate certain behaviors or skills which will help us in managing the large work force with a high success ratio.

We have had enough discussions on bad bosses, bosses who abuse; as they are the legends of the game :)…but why not for  change talk about those who played a key role in making us what we are.

I have been fortunate enough to have some good bosses too, and will share some of the experiences with you all.

Here is a Story: I met Patrick during the interview, immediately after the first meeting we both decided to work together, the gelling was such that the enthusiasm could be seen in the eyes. Even when we were in a different locations (he was placed in Germany (HQ) and I was in India), he made sure that the learning curve grew consistently over a period of time. He never interfered in any of my decisions but made sure that I did an analysis of all the pros and cons; helped me in understanding global HR practices, so that I could prosper in the company. With high EQ, he taught me to empathize with people and then reconsider decisions, policies and procedures. He was truly a people’s person-humble and very popular amongst all the employees in various regions as he was the Director HR Asia Pacific.

Similarly, have you ever considered what are the qualities you appreciated in your ‘good’ boss? In order to inculcate the same in yourself just enlist them and start working. Some of these are:

Communication skills: As a boss how you interact with team members can be seen from your communication skills and it could either make or break the interpersonal relations. The tone, pitch and choice of words can easily express the behavior and interpersonal skills. Special emphasis on honing listening skills is empirical to be successful with people around you. Team members want to know if they are being heard.

High on EQ: In order to progress, one must have shown all the intellectual skills with consistency, now is the time when one needs to sharpen the skills of being a people’s person, and the best way out is empathy and genuineness. Think from their viewpoint, what would be best for them and also for the company. Provide solutions keeping in mind the team member’s welfare and growth. Appraise them- just a pat on the back may be, or occasionally sitting with them and having lunch, just like Mr. Adi Godrej started taking lunch once in a week in the Company’s cafeteria with all the employees.

Proper delegation: Delegating the right amount of authority with responsibilities is actually an art, and very rarely are people connoisseurs of this art. It only comes when the Manager knows the strengths and weaknesses of his/her team members properly, and then delegation happens with appropriate skills. Practice also makes people perfect in the art of delegation, initially there are times that one might not get the desired results and make mistakes but it does not mean that the chosen one is not the right person for the assigned work. Give them another chance and then rate them on the scale of success.

Cheering: Encouraging taking of initiatives, thinking out of the box and every time you have given an idea instead of refuting it down (S) he ensured that you understood the repercussions and then decided to go ahead with those ideas. Cheering reflects the vision of a person, how he plans to take his team ahead and thinks about their growth path and succession planning too. As I say, a compliment a day can make your employees happy and gay!

Decision Making: Though it has been talked about in delegation, but we will deal with it as another interpersonal skill required in a ‘good’ boss. They not only take good decisions themselves with people’s participation but also inculcate the same in their teams as well. Learning comes from trial and error and such bosses will always encourage taking some ‘not so good’ decisions too, although not at the stake of their business.

Less Interference: Personally, I really liked this in my boss that he hardly ever interfered in my work areas, however he taught me a lot, and still he used to manage to keep himself away from many things which now a days is a difficult task for some insecure managers/bosses or the legends referred to as the ‘bad’ bosses.

Sense of humor: One should know how to keep healthy humor flowing in the team, with some witty remarks, sometimes sharing of anecdotes and good jokes. While giving feedback to the team one should always keep some humor handy so that things can be handled positively.

Interpersonal skills depend a lot on your intra-personal skills! So make a preference and instill these aforementioned qualities and skills in yourself and who knows you may end up being the next ‘GOOD’ BOSS!

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